Compassion and the Fear of Getting Hurt.

I am troubled right now because I learned that someone I had negative feelings for is suffering with  cancer. It was never their fault that I felt negatively toward them which is a big part of why I am struggling with this one.

It has been said that I am very sensitive to other people's pain.  A therapist I worked with explained to me that some people are just this way.  That they "absorb" other people's pain and sometimes take on struggles as their own. In a way,  I like this about me.  I like that I have so much compassion for other human beings and can appreciate their struggles.  It becomes a problem for me in some cases, but mostly pushes me to help people, show kindness and demonstrate patience.

I don't feel guilty for having negative feelings about the person or situation from the past.  I just feel like I want to help and comfort them.  I don't care who they are or what caused the negative experience I had with them, but at the same time, I feel scared that by reaching out to them I am going to get hurt.  I'm sure it is worth the risk.  They have cancer spreading throughout their entire body.  It is selfish for me to even factor my own feelings into this decision.  I should do what is right and send a care package and the kind words that I want to share with them.

It reminds me of the time I found out that an ex boyfriend's best friend had passed away.  I felt this same way.  I wanted to extend my heart to them and tell them that regardless of whatever relationship he and I had at that moment, I still felt sadness for his loss and genuinely wanted to offer some sort of comfort.  It was not well received and he made me feel very small for calling him.  I did what my heart told me to and got hurt.  It made to feel stupid for reaching out, but in my heart I know it was the right thing to do.